Little White Lies
by Altra
Summary: Song fic to "Kid A" by Radiohead, a sort of how Petegrew went bad.


*Words in asterisks are song lyrics*  
  
  
Little white lies  
  
*I slipped away,  
I slipped away on a little white lie*  
  
Cowering in the shadows, my lone figure, separated from the group. I watch Lily and James, a fire of jealousy burning in the pit of my stomach. Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin... the perfect trio. Who needs Peter Petegrew? I was always loyal and friendly. Yet, James repays me by taking the one girl who knew I was alive. Turning, I sped off towards the greenhouses, hoping I could get a peek at the plants inside. The only thing I'm good at is Herbology. So absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't see that small group of Slytherins till I walked into them.  
  
"Watch it Petegrew," a boy, whose name was McNair, snapped. Horror flowed through me. I was only a fifth year; he was a seventh year. The others in the group sniggered. Severus Snape jeered, causing me to yelp. Though the same year as me, Snape had this way with intimidation. Crabbe and Goyle each tried to see how many hits it would take the both of them before I fell down. Terrified, I backed up, only to trip over myself and fall to the ground. Howls of laughter rang out, filling the empty courtyard.  
  
"Petegrew, Sirius needs to talk to you. Said something's up with Lily," a young blonde said, an odd look on his face. Lucius Malfoy was a third year, and over half the school was already petrified at the mention of his name. No emotion was present on his face. He only showed emotion when he's picking on someone. Guess he's not lying, I thought.  
  
"Where is he?" I asked, voice cracking and creaking. More laughter rang from the other four.  
  
"I'll take you to him. Go ahead without me guys," Lucius said, making a sort of shooing motion. Snape and McNair shrugged. Like a fool, I followed Lucius.  
  
Once in the main hall, Lucius faced me, a look of contemplation on his face. I shuddered, inwardly wincing at my weakness.  
  
"You want her don't you?" he questioned, himself more than me. "Well, do you?"  
  
"Ye-yes," I squeaked. Stupid stupid stutter!  
  
"Good. Meet me here at midnight. No buts," he said, before quickly pacing down the entrance, back out to the courtyard.  
  
"Hey Peter!" Sirius called out. I turned trying to surpress my shakes. "We're going to toilet paper the Great Hall tonight, you gonna come?"  
  
"Um, so-sorry, I have to study, for History of Magic, wait no no, I mean Potions, actually - I - just-" Sirius cut me off with a wave of his hand.  
  
"Don't worry chap. Prongs and Moony can back me up. Good luck with the studying. I've gotta go steal some toilet paper."  
  
That was the lie that began the fall of the Maurders and Lily.  
  
*We got heads on sticks  
You got ventriloquists*  
  
Voldemort's little spy is what I became. I would do, say, or look at anything my Master wished of me. I'd tried on so many occasions to tell Lily or James or Sirius or Remus that Voldemort was controlling me. But what would they do?  
  
"You served him out of your own free will?" Lily would say.  
  
"How could you, Wormtail? I thought we were friends," James would add. Sirius would glare and disown me as a friend. Remus would shake his head disappointedly, and walk off silently. So I kept quiet. I gave Voldemort all the information he wanted, and in return he gave me power. Power. For once in my life I was powerful. I wanted more, I wanted to loose myself, to become someone else. Someone important. I kept telling myself that when I get power, Lily will love me. It's amazing how one can come to believe in lies.  
  
*We got heads on sticks  
You got ventriloquists*  
  
Lily love James. Everyone knew it. Snape would jeer at me, laughing at my unrequited love. All the Death Eaters would. Except for Lucius, Narcissa, Bethany, and Robert. Those four would stay in silent debate, much like the Master. Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Toren, Bethany Nott, and Robert Parkinson, they were quickly climbing the to Death Eater success. The Dark Lord would plot with them, and their plans never failed. Here is yet another super quartet. Though of a much different nature  
  
But that doesn't matter.  
  
With each curse I throw, I feel my power growing.  
  
And that is what matters.  
  
  
*Standing in the shadows at the end of my bed.  
Standing in the shadows at the end of my bed.  
Standing in the shadows at the end of my bed.  
Standing in the shadows at the end of my bed.*  
  
  
Tonight Lily will pay. She will pay for not loving me, for choosing James, for rejection me. Sirius will pay for insulting my Master. Remus will pay for being smarter than me. James will pay for taking Lily from me. They will all pay! I can just picture Lily and James sleeping peacefully, and Voldemort sifting out of the shadows...  
  
And why not? Of all the times I awake to find the Master at the foot of my bed, telling me what I was to do. Revenge is mine! The power I will surely receive... Playing God with peoples lives.  
  
How exhilarating!  
  
Much to my utter delight, the Master paid no heed to the warnings of Lucius, Narcissa, Robert, and Bethany. He claimed that they simply were jealous. Jealous! Of me! How wonderful it feels!  
  
I was right.  
  
Losing myself helped me find a better person.  
  
  
*Rats and children follow me out of town  
Rats and children follow me out of town*  
  
  
The Master died! He died! Murdered by a one-year-old! Damn that Harry Potter! Lucius, Naricissa, Bethany, Robert, they wasted no time in torturing me. The intense pain! Coursing down my veins. I managed to trick Crabbe into letting me go. I had to frame Sirius. Afterall, the Master cannot be dead, I must be able to return to him. Walking down a busy muggle street, I spotted him, hunched over. Sensing eyes on him, Sirius turned to face me. Rage and pain burned in his eyes. I forced myself to cry.  
  
"How could you, Sirius? How could you betray Lily and James like that?" I stuttered, tears in my smiling eyes.  
  
"How could I?" he asked incredulously. Pulling my wand out, keeping it hidden behind my back. Roughly, I cut my finger off, whispering a curse. The sidewalk blew up around me, I smirked at Sirius' surprised face before turning into my anigmus form; a rat. I ran with the other rats, ran for my life. Mothers and children dashed alongside us, not even noticing the rats lining the streets.  
  
So here I am. Right back where I started. Powerless, a nobody. Yet now I don't even have friends. I have enemies, hundreds upon thousands.  
  
I have fear.  
  
I have guilt.  
  
Yet I don't have her.  
  
I don't have Lily...  
  
  
*Come on kids...*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A/N: Well, there ya go. I really didn't mean for Petegrew to get that crazed.. The song is "Kid A" by Radiohead, if you listen to it while reading the fic, you'll get the ending and why it's the whole "he ended up where he started" thing.  
  



End file.
